


Fear and Trauma

by QueenCarol



Series: Fighting For The Moments [4]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Carzekiel, Episode Related, F/M, TWD Spoilers, episode tie in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 03:13:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16547774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenCarol/pseuds/QueenCarol
Summary: When Ezekiel hears that something has happened at the camp with the Saviors he fears the worst.  Nothing could have prepared him for what he finds.





	Fear and Trauma

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> Carol Peletier, Sophia Peletier, King Ezekiel, Henry, Jerry, Shiva, and any other recognizable character or plot of The Walking Dead belong to AMC Network and Skybound Entertainment, Image Comics and Robert Kirkman.
> 
> In no way is the author claiming ownage of any of the characters nor is there any economical/monetary gain at any time. The author is extremely respectful of the original creators and is willing to take down this work of fiction if requested.
> 
> No copyright infringement intended.

The moment he hears that there is trouble at camp and that the saviors are involved, he mounts his horse and makes his way towards camp. All the ride there he is in a state of panic, worrying that when he gets there he’ll find Carol on the ground in a pool of blood. 

He should have insisted that she come with him, that way she’d be at home, safe and sound.

But his Carol isn’t the kind to hide and let others fight the fight. He understands this; he admires her drive and commitment to her friends and family. He understands.

That doesn’t mean he isn’t going to worry about her. Now all his worries have come to fruition and he is riding as fast as he can towards her.

He is almost at the camp when a sudden explosion reverberates through him and spooks his horse. The horse pulls back, leaving only his back legs on the floor and lets out a whine. Ezekiel guides him back down, calming him as best as he can while his heart thunders in his chest.

"The bridge." He says to himself in shock.

Something tells him that Carol will no longer be at the camp so he redirects his steed towards the plume of smoke.

What he finds rocks him to the core.

The bridge is no longer there. In its place is a gaping hole, a heard of walkers opposite to the side he is in is walking towards it and ultimately falling into the cold water below. Walker bodies liter the river, floating away.

What the hell has happened.

Where is Carol?

There is an eerie silence around him, interrupted only by the crackling of the fire and the running of the river. It doesn't last long, though, pierced by the wail of a woman. He knows it is not Carol but he follows it anyway.

The wail belongs to Michonne, who is half knelt half slumped on the ground. She's tearing at the dirt in front of her, her katana long forgotten, loud painful cries emanating from her. On one of her sides is Maggie, holding tightly to her as best as she can, trying to give her strength and stopping her from moving at the same time. She too is crying, deep sobs that make her whole body shake. And on her other side is Carol.

She is alive.

She is unharmed.

Carol stares towards the end of the bridge, knelt besides Michonne, her body slack as if all fight had suddenly left her. She has a hand on Michonne but she's not offering much resistance to Michonne's desperation. Whatever has happened has deeply affected the women, women who are warriors and who have a strength he could only wish for.

He quickly dismounts his horse not bothering to tie him so he won't wander away. His feet take him to Carol's side right away, crouching besides her and gently calling out her name.

"Carol?" He doesn't catch her attention as she continues to stare at the bridge. "Carol, sweetheart?"

Seeing the tears gather in her eyes and spill down her cheeks breaks his heart. He turns towards the men that stand feet away from them. "What transpired?"

"Rick." Jesus answers. "He blew up the bridge to protect the communities." Jesus shakes his head and turns around, giving his back towards the fire. "He... he gave up his life... for us."

Rick.

He knew that Carol's relationship with Rick was a complex one. He knew that the leader of Alexandria had once vanished Carol from her home. He knew that eventually he had begged for forgiveness and had welcomed Carol back and now saw her as a great ally. He knew that despite all of that Carol still loved him as a brother, he is a part of her family.

And she has just seen him sacrifice himself to protect them all.

He turns to look at Carol again, his gloved hand raising to gently press his fingers against the bottom of her chin, guiding her face so she will look at him. "Carol?"

She blinks once, then a second time. She seems to be in shock, not quite focusing on him.  

"I'm taking her home." He says to no one in particular then bends down to pick her up. Carol doesn't complain and instead moves closer to him. He knows then and there that she is in very bad shape.

With Jerry's help, who holds Carol while he mounts his horse, Carol is gently deposited in front of him, riding as women did in the olden days, leaning against him. She's silent for the longest time and it worries him deeply. It's not until they are near Kingdom that he finally hears her whimper and it is so soft that he doubts he actually heard her make a sound.

"Hold on, sweetheart." He whispers to her, guiding his horse as quickly as he can without jostling his precious cargo.

Once they are inside of Kingdom he enlists Jerry's help again not only in taking care of Carol while he dismounts, but also in holding back Henry and reassuring him that his mother is fine, unharmed physically. He takes her to their bedroom and gently places her on the bed. By now silent tears are streaming down her face, her nose bright red and her eyes starting to swollen. He doesn't say a word but lays a kiss on her forehead before starting to undress her.

Once he has her re-dressed in her comfortable pajamas, he helps her lay down on the bed, joining her a moment afterwards before covering both of them up. He faces her and gently caresses her cheek. She's not quite snapped out of the daze she has been in since he found her at the bridge, but he starts to see some recognition shinning in her eyes.

Amidst her tears something inside of her finally breaks and deep, sorrowful sobs overtake her. She shakes from head to toe which prompts him to hold her closer, tighter against him, hoping it will give her some type of comfort. It seems to do the trick for she holds tightly to the front of his coat, burying her face in his chest. She cries like he has never seen her cry, and more than once he worries she will stop breathing or choke on her own tears.

“I got you.” He promises.

He knows this is the first big loss they’ve had since the war and knows that Rick was the leader of her original group back when she was in Atlanta. He understands the pain she is in and knows that no amount of words he says will mitigate that pain. She has to feel it.

He’s proud of her, so very proud. The Carol that had arrived at Kingdom was a broken woman, a woman who didn’t allow herself to cry and mourn, a woman who didn’t want to feel the loss of those that mattered to her. Now, in his arms was a very different Carol; a Carol who loved and protected, who smiled and joked around, who knew that bottling everything in would only lead to heart ache later, a woman who deeply felt the sudden death of a friend.

“He... he just...”. He hears her stammer between sobs but doesn’t say anything. He knows, now more than ever, that Carol needs for him to listen. “He’s gone. He’s just gone.”

The sobs continue but she has pulled back enough that he can see her bloodshot eyes. It pains him to see her this way. He wishes he could erase her pain and bring Rick back.

“He... he blew up... the bridge.” Carol explains, finally processing what she has seen. “Just blew it up... so that the walkers wouldn’t... wouldn’t pass thru.”

“He... Rick...”. 

A strong sob bubbles in her throat and she has a hard time taking a breath. It is only then that he talks. “Breathe baby.” He begs her. He’s about to consider blowing on her face, like one does to a child who has forgotten to breathe while crying, when she finally takes in air. “That’s it, breathe for me.”

“He’s gone.”

“I’m so sorry, my love.” He whispers, raising a hand to her cheek to gently caress her. “I know he was your leader for a long time, but most importantly he was your friend, part of your family. I’m sorry.”

Carol hiccups and closes her eyes. “Why? Why did he... do that?”

“Because he wanted to save his family.” Ezekiel tells her as she folds herself into his embrace once more, curling tightly against him, her body still shaking with sobs and shock. “He couldn’t let the walkers take the bridge.”

“We could have... fought them.”

“Perhaps,” He agrees. “He just wasn’t willing to risk. He wasn’t willing to let Michonne get hurt, or Maggie, or you. He did what any one of us would’ve done for those we love. I shall forever owe him a great debt for ensuring the safety of our people, of my Queen.”

Carol hiccups again, her sobs coming much slower now, though her body still trembles. She snuggles deeper in his embrace and Ezekiel turns on his back so that her head is now resting on his chest, remaining silent. He has an inkling that she’s listening to his heart, reassuring herself and grounding herself with it.

Slowly the shaking lessens and the hiccups become fewer and far between. She’s still tense but her body is slowly relaxing. 

Her hand raises to press against his chest and he soon cradles it with his own, bringing it up to his lips to kiss before settling it over his heart once more.

“How many remain from the Atlanta group?” He asks her as he begins to gently caress her back, soothing away her pain and hopefully helping her get rid of the last of the shakes.

“Two.” Carol whispers. “Daryl and I.” 

He knows how important her friendship with Daryl is, specially now that they are the last two standing. He doesn’t know how to reassure her that they will continue to be alive, so he offers what he can. “He is welcome to stay at the Kingdom.”

Carol shakes her head. “He won’t come.”

“He is a stubborn man.” Ezekiel agrees with her. “But if anyone can convince him it’s you.”

“He would think of the Kingdom... as a prison.” Carol explains. “I don’t... know how he’s taking Ricks death. They weren’t in good terms.”

Daryl would no doubt take it hard if the way Carol she reacted is any indication. Still, the offer is open and as long as Carol knows he is welcome, that is all that matters to Ezekiel.

“Michonne will need us.”

“And we shall be there for her.” Ezekiel agrees with her. “Whatever she and little Judith need we can help provide.”

Carol falls silent, a couple of tears sliding down her face and wetting Ezekiel’s clothing. Neither says anything for the longest time and Ezekiel starts to wonder if she’s fallen asleep even though he still feels tension in her body.

“Promise me something.” She suddenly begs him after she hiccups one last time.

“Anything, my love.”

“Promise me that you won’t leave me the way Rick has left Michonne. I don’t think I’d survive it.” She admits with a timid voice. He knows she’s strong, knows that Carol is aware of her own limitations and her strengths and showing this side of her, a side that fear his sudden loss, is hard to do for her.

“I can’t promise you that.” He regretfully tells her. “I wish it was something I could do, but were I in his position, I would do the same for you.”

“Ezekiel...”

“And you would survive it.” He assures her. “There is no doubt in my mind, not one ounce of belief that you wouldn’t pull through.”

Carol tilts her head to look at him, her eyes begging him to promise her something they both know he can’t. Her eyes are so blue in contrast with the redness that crying brings and he loses himself in them for a moment.

“I can, however, promise that the only way I’d ever leave you is after every ounce of strength has left my body, after I have no other choice but to find you in another life-time.”

“I love you.” Carol whispers without looking away from his eyes. “I don’t think I tell you enough. I don’t think you know how much I love you.”

He grins at her, a grin tinged with sadness out of respect of the loss she’s just endured. “I know, baby, I know” He promises before kissing the top of her nose. “Now rest. I’ll hold you.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Just try. Close your eyes. I’m not going to leave you. I’ll be here all night.”

He feel her take a deep breath the let it out in a sigh.

Sleep has never come easy for Carol so it doesn’t surprise Ezekiel when it takes her a long time to fully relax against him. When she finally does fall asleep it is not an easy sleep. She mumbles and whimpers, twitching against him. Her eyes move wildly behind her eyes. He will not be surprised if she wakes up in the middle of a nightmare.

He tries to soothe her but her mind is working through the emotional trauma she experienced and there’s hardly anything he can do other than hold her, caress her back lovingly, and make sure that when she does wake up the first thing she knows is that she’s safe and loved.

He knows that the pain of losing Rick will resurface but he vows to always be there for her, to comfort her, to hold her when she needs him to and to act as a shield against anything that threatens her wellbeing. He will be her personal knight even if she only needs him to hold her at night.

Rick has not given his life up in vain.

“Rest in peace, my friend.” He whispers to Rick, even though he’s not sure if his soul will hear his thanks. “Thank you.”


End file.
